Pet Food Recall Strikes Massive Terror in the Hearts of Temps, Spinsters Nationwide

POSTED BY: MAOXIE’S VERY CONCERNED PAPA
PUBLISHED IN STREETERVILLE, CHICAGO

A wide-scale recall of both dog and cat food marketed under dozens of different brands across the country has sent pet owners into a complete hot conniption, and I count myself as a member of that mortified brood. MaoXie has been acting up (see multiple articles in both The Zeitgeist and 336 to follow thread of posts chronicling MX’s behavioural transformation) and was dry-heaving last night. But Douzui assures me that she has not had the “cuts and gravy” formula cat food that has been recalled so I think we are ok for the minute. Other pet owners have not been so fortunate. I cannot imagine if MaoXie died. I think a veil in a Buddhist temple somewhere in the Himalayas would rend itself and the earth would quake at about 140bpm.